As a result of being hormonal, I am feeling pretty all over the place emotionally this week and the main feeling is S T R E S S.
I am feeling quite consumed by stress. The sad thing is I have anti anxiety pills which I can take up to three times a day, and recently that hasn’t been enough.
I don’t know why but I can’t shake the feeling that I have made a huge mistake. That I have flipped a coin and called heads when it should have been tails. That I am somehow on a path to devastation and my choices are irreversible. And not even doing my best Gob Bluth impression is improving things.
This is, of course, bull s***.
Most people would suck it up. If you have a debt to repay you should do everything in your power to pay it back. Suck it up. Make the sacrifices.
The truth is I haven’t made a terrible mistake recently. I have made a whole series of terrible mistakes in the past. All the times I spent my wages in the first day before I paid my bills. I have no excuses, I can’t really justify any of my terrible ways with money, I know this is sort of my catch phrase but I WAS A T***
I have told the boy I never want to borrow money off him again. This is it. When I have a bill to pay in the future I will solve it off my own back. I can’t keep being bailed out. I am 28. I only have 1 year left in my 20’s. I am officially old enough to know better. Most of my friends are married/getting married, own their own homes, are doing masters, own their own business, drive or at the very least have a pet, whereas all I have to show for my 28 years on earth is I have completed Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Zelda: Majora’s Mask on the N64. TWICE!
For younger millenial’s who wonder what the hell a N64 is it is Pure Happiness!
I have an interview for a weekend admin job this week. And I have discovered I can smash my stress by doing 40 minutes on the hardest setting of the exercise bike.
I may have to put my life on hold for a few months to clear the debt. But if I get to see Queen at the end of it then that will be worth it. If I can pay back the boy so I don’t feel like a parasite then that will be great too.