I was working the weekend shift today, which although isn’t that convenient does earn me some extra buckage for when I maybe become unemployed soon.
It is normally very, very quiet.
Today it wasn’t.
And I spent a good chunk of it on my own. There were two times when someone came to ask something and I had no idea what the answer was and had to be like ‘You’ll have to wait for the competent librarian to come back.’
I survived, as usual, but I feel the need for a gin and tonic.
Normal people when they fancy a drink just have one without giving it too much thought. Whenever I feel like I need a drink I worry that I am just a few expensive stays in rehab away from being like my mum.
When I was younger, as a result of being completely convinced I was going to be an alcoholic, I decided to cut out the middle man years of being a mess and just be teetotal. So I didn’t drink. Instead I was the sensible friend that never loosened up and was the one pulling back the hair of my friends as they were sick in the toilet. It was a role I knew well and therefore felt more comfortable in.
I eventually loosened up to an extent, but I can still count on one hand the amount of times in my life I have been drunk.
I have a few rules I live by.
- I can drink until what is commonly called the ‘tipsy’ stage, but what I call ‘being merry and pippin’, and then I stop and drink non alcoholic drinks until I am sober and only then can have another alcoholic drink.
- I cannot have a drink to enhance or improve a mood. Therefore I can’t drink if I am sad and want to cheer up. I can’t drink if I am happy and want to be more happy. As soon as I feel that I am trying to create a feeling through drink I stop.
- Drink purely for taste.
As a result of not really being a drinker it pretty much just takes me ONE drink to feel tipsy. Therefore I can have a good time very, very cheaply.
I wish I could relax a bit more and not be afraid of being drunk, but I just find the whole business deeply embarrassing and shameful. I naturally don’t think less of my drunk friends if they get that way at a party, I just can’t do it.
I am musing because I am having a very nice, ever so slightly more than a double measurement gin and tonic, and it will probably be my only drink of the night even though I am going out. I am lucky that I have friends that accept me for who I am. I remember being petrified of going to University and navigating all the drinking that goes with it, coming up with the scheme of buying half pints of coke and saying it was jack and coke if anyone asked so they wouldn’t judge me. I remember being so weird and inexperienced with drinking that during the first term of my first year my ‘drink of choice’ was a baileys hot chocolate.
Try asking for that in Meze*
* Meze was a truly disgusting night club in Newport, South Wales which was owned by a character called ‘Mista Ifsta’ who owned half of the nightlife in Newport and most of my happiest memories of Uni come from being in Meze. From the sweat that would drip off the ceiling and into your drink, my first forays into smoking, the predictable rock playlist that you could set your watch to and the pints for £1, I truly had some great times there.