Crying

Last night I got into a state and started crying and sobbing uncontrollably and asked my boyfriend what it is about me that makes people want to treat me like s***.

The reason for my upset was I logged on to Twitter (I am an infrequent Tweeter) and noticed that a friend of mine, someone I used to work with, someone I would consider myself to be close to and even one of my best friends in my town, had tweeted that he had moved to London.

He had moved to a different country without telling me.

He had moved without giving back the books I had lent him.

There is a chance I had misinterpreted what his tweet said (there I go giving people the benefit of the doubt again) but surely it’s not just me who thinks when you move to a different city you 1) tell your friends you are moving and 2) give them back their property?

I don’t know how many of you are avid, passionate readers, but my books are precious to me. And I can’t afford to replace them, I also can’t replace them, at least not until 2018 when I can ‘buy’ again.

I will be honest and say I am unsure what I am more hurt by, him leaving and not telling me, or him not returning my books.

So this led me to start crying. When I get in a state like this I feel like I want to tear my skin off. I feel like I’m on fire with rage, and stress and despair.

I try to be a good friend to people. As a result I can be too trusting, too forgiving, too accommodating and too ‘nice’.

One of my friends who reads this sent me a message recently advising me to stop giving a f*** about what people think (to be truthful the message actually said duck not f*** but I assume that was auto correct)

I guess being nice has won me some true friends, but it has also gained me some complete dickheads in my life as well.

Cut the crap, focus on the good.

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