I have been in a bit of a state of anxiety about my mother recently.
I will put this in context. My mother is/was an alcoholic.
I say is/was because some say if you are an addict you will always be an addict (even if you are clean for the rest of your life) and therefore the correct term is is.
I prefer to focus on the many things that make my mum who she is. Her alcoholism is very much a part of her, and was a part of her life and the life of me and my family. But she is also many good things as well.
So I prefer was on the basis she has not touched alcohol for over a decade.
Last Tuesday (Valentines Day) I tried to call her as it had been about a week since I last spoke to her and she, like me, is prone to anxiety. I
The call went straight to voicemail.
This was worrying.
I tried again on Thursday, which is when the bad news had affected my family, and it was straight to voicemail again, but at least now I knew why she was upset.
My mum is very close to her father and almost idolises him. This I can understand as he is one of my dearest and most beloved living relatives, and his love story with my now deceased Grannie is a love story I can only hope to aspire to.
I tried ringing my mum everyday between last Thursday and this week, all the time going to voicemail, leaving messages, not asking her to call me (I don’t want to put any pressure on her) but saying that I am thinking of her and will be there for her when she is ready.
On Monday I finally got a brief response, a small text saying thank you for the kind thoughts, and that she would be in contact when she was able to talk.
My Mum takes bad news worse than I do, which is really saying something.
To be fair the last few years have been cruel to her family, and many lives of those I love the most have been affected.
We have had too many deaths. One happened on the same day as the funeral for a relative.
I trust my mum to make the right choices, but it is not far from the mind of me and I’m sure my brothers and her Twin sister that she could succumb to alcoholism again, or that her mental health (pretty fragile) might lead her to make the wrong choices.
It is not often that I am the mentally strong one in the family.
So this is something that has been praying on my mind the last week and a half, and may be the reason behind me seeking more medical advice and feeling the strain a bit more.