CUSTOMER SERVICE SITUATION
(Where I have to talk to people)
Oh crap, I have to talk to someone. I wish I had the power of invisibility. Is it too late to hide under the desk? I pray that they just want to know where the nearest bathroom is and not anything more complex than that. I hope they don’t notice that my eyes have gone a bit ‘Rabbit in the headlights’ and I must look terrified. Why do they have to talk to me? Why can’t they talk to someone else?
‘Oh hello, how can I help? Oh that sounds interesting, I’d be happy to solve that problem for you’ Wow, that was nice, they were really lovely. It was so great to talk to that random stranger, I had a real connection and it was fantastic.
SOMEONE NEAR ME IS WHISPERING/LAUGHING
What have I done? Why are they talking about me? What do I look like? When I get home I’m going to have my boyfriend examine me from every angle so I can figure out why they were talking about me. What have I done wrong? Why does everyone make fun of me?
……….. (calm mind doesn’t even register it)
Some days are good.
Some days are bad.
Some days are both good and bad.
I can’t fully analyse my problems because they are never the same. Sometimes a situation that had me stressing the f*** out is completely fine the next time I encounter it.
When I am anxious I go quiet, I have knots in my stomach, I feel a sense of ‘must get out of here’ as urgently as possible. I look around desperately for an escape door, a saviour or something that will fix the problem, someone to rescue me.
I am never fully relaxed. I am careful to not say anything that could be interpreted as being offensive or start an argument, even though in general I am a kind and considerate and thoughtful person.
After the social event I will analyse the conversation from every different angle to see if I did say something that upset someone, or if someone is harbouring a grudge against me, or if I did something ‘wrong’.
There is a common expression which is ‘Be yourself and people will like you’
How can people like me if I am myself?
I don’t even like myself, how can I expect anyone else to?