I had today off work to go to the Dentist. As is customary for my days off I overslept and woke up at midday. This in theory should be a treat as I have to get up before 6am on a working day, but when my ideal time to get up is 5am you can see why I wasn’t best pleased.
The trip to the Dentist, which was thankfully nothing more than a check up, resulted in my first health expense of the year, £13.50 for the check up. Eagle eyed readers will notice that this is more than the £5 a month budget for Health related costs, but I don’t really expect to be back in the Dentists chair until July so I do have time to save up and make the money back.
I also had to pick up my prescription from the Doctor’s surgery and it was there that I noticed they had half price offers on a range of gift items.
I spied some things that would have made good gifts for my two nieces to put aside for their birthdays later this year. But in the end, although two sets of gifts for the grand total of £7 would have been a bargain, I didn’t splurge.
Well two reasons. First of all I am in negative equity, by which I mean after doing a financial forecast I have £11.32 that is surplus money this month (in that this is what is left over once all the other budgets/expenses have been taken out). BUT my boyfriend has got us tickets to see a comedian in late March, which comes to £24.50 each. The tickets arrived today, so I owe my boyfriend £24.50.
£11.32 – £24.50 = -£13.18, which I guess I will have to spread over from next month’s Social budget.
Secondly, I don’t want to get my Nieces, or any family member, a gift I got on the cheap that they may like. I want to get my friends and family gifts I think they will love. Like is not good enough, only Love will do.
After spending 2016 in the friendship wilderness, being too anxious to see most of my friends most of the time, I want to spend this year reconnecting with them and showing them that they do mean something to me. That the problems I had socialising were not a reflection on them but all down to me and my insecurities.
I reconnected with one friend in the autumn of 2016. I hadn’t seen her since October 2015, although to be fair she does live in a different county (and country if we want to be technical about it). The reason for me not seeing her for so long was very much to do with the whole ‘I was a twat with money’ and would make a plan, then get distracted by something shiny in a shop and suddenly have no money for a takeaway coffee, let alone the train fare to see her.
When I reconnected with her I explained about the fact that I had gotten myself into a bad financial way and that’s why I couldn’t see her, nothing more. She, being the reasonable and lovely friend that she is, very kindly said she had been concerned about me and had been a little hurt by my behaviour, but figured that I was going through something and would come back once I had worked it out.
So, the problem is, all my other friends probably feel a variation of that. Or may have wondered why I disappeared off the face of the friendship earth in 2016 (I have also come close several hundred times to nearly deleting my Facebook account as I find it too traumatic). Do I do a public Facebook apology? (The idea of which makes me want to break out into hives), or do I explain things on an as and when needed basis?
The trouble is my social anxiety hasn’t gone away, it is still very much a part of me, it is just that this year I am determined to beat it up and vanquish it to the fiery pits of hell.
Saying that doesn’t automatically mean the problem is gone though so I still have to fight it just to reach out to my friends.
Still if I can resist the charms of a half price lip gloss and nail varnish set then maybe I can fight my social demons.